he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
