she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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