Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize