Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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