I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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