Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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