but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
