are you still at the devil's house?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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