saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
