We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
