how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
