Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
