kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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