When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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