the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
