im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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