I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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