Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
