the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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