apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want nice things and good sex
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
