Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
