Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
