Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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