if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
