Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
