Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize