Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
