Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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