well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
