So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
