Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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