break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
