you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
