I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
