watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
