the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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