dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
