before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
