i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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