if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
