So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
