one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize