So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
