weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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