I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
