Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
