My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
