She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
