I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize