My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
