wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
