dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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