summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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