I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
