if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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