Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
