I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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