i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
