So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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