This girl is more easily done than said...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
