my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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