So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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