We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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