my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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