I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
