I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
