wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
