Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
