we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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