you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
