I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
