found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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