I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
