the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
