I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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